Onward. Along railroad tracks and other urban infrastructure. Moon in everything, slightly dizzy and a bit disconnected. Halting states, afternoon escapism.

📷 lost-in-moments

4pm and on. Along the path of a day just modestly satisfying. The kids below just returned home, and given the chatter and giggling in the appartment, quite a bit before their parents are about to show up. Commuting between rooms. Opting for fresh air, but not really wanting to leave the house. 

Somewhere in between spoken words and written thoughts: Listening, pondering, trying to find a straight individual position on complex topics. And a good middle ground between visions promoted by others and visions one would like to see implemented at some point. Closing in on 4pm, avoiding the model even knowing it won't go away for now.

3pm and on. Some more modifications in the order of todays business. Adding some more notes to already lengthy pages, hoping there will at some point be a conclusion that's not all too alienating. Switching networks, terminals, sessions. And still a bit further.

4pm and on. Configuration errors and misbehaving infrastructure and in the end just too many things get slightly off track due to misnaming and miscommunication. Breathing in afternoon sun, keeping eyes closed for a moment while waiting for dust to settle, on many levels and in different ways. The need for fresh air.

Also: The confusing paths of communication as soon as people encounter gaps in their common view of the world. The tendency to challenge words vaguely defined and understood. The need to step back and forth in both explaining and planning. (In some arcane sidetrack of that story, I'm sitting close to my calm inner lake, throwing small stones and watching them sink to its murky unseen depths.)

Past 4pm again. A huge file created, structure added, flow loosely defined. Waiting for things to fill up now, not completely sure how. In between knowledge and communication again, wrestling individual opinions, differing objectives and an ever-present imposter, never really quiet.

Spät wird der Tag noch einmal hell. Gelöschte Kerzen, für jetzt, weil die Flamme in diesem Moment verloren und hilflos wirkt. Auch: Heimbüro-Abweichungen. Das Geplante und das Unvorhergesehene, wie so oft. Man bleibt am Stapel des Liegengebliebenen hängen, zu einer Unzeit, und versucht, zu ignorieren, was zu ignorieren geht vor dem langsam anbrechenden Abend. Fahrräder klappern durch die Straße, gegenüber wird gemeinsam gekocht und gelacht, auch heute observiert eine Krähe vom Dachfirst herab verschwiegen das bunte Treiben. Sonntag in seinen durchmischten Formen.

Sperrige Dreiecksbeziehungen: Wahrheit der Dokumentation, Wahrheit der eigenen Erinnerungen und vorgefundene Wahrheit auf dem System. Aufräumen in unklarer Wirklichkeit, angespannt, mit vorsichtigem Griff. Gegenüber sind die Schlafzimmerfenster weit geöffnet, Bettdecken und Kissen hängen über die Brüstung, flirten mit Gravitation und Tiefe. Paketbotenslalom, resignierte Parkvergehen, zweite Reihen und niemals fehlt es an entsprechenden Diskussionen. Trüber Himmel, schwere Luft, noch kein Gewitter.

Suspending a few threads, for now. Trying to change from formal to natural languages, which always feels a bit clumsy at first. Too, trying to change clothes, places, moods, in the sweat of the afternoon and the indicisiveness of temporary slowdowns. Worried by observations being more and more narrowed down to a very limited set of aspects of reality. And yet failing to widen this horizon in the time at hand. 3pm. Off and on again. 

3pm and slowly on. Watching a thread disappear in a dark corner of an old system, wondering whether it's safe to follow down that route. An almost physical sensation of dust, even the data touched in here feels ancient and fragile. Odd metaphors, weird analogies and it's way too hot for thoughts any clearer than that.

In and out of another call. Password reset, password message lost, missing second factor and the system quietly locks up. No surprise. Rational behaviour melting with the weather. Wondering whether the windowblinds can go lower than they already are. (They can't.) First colleagues heading home. There's ice cream in the kitchen on the other end of the corridor. But the walk currently doesn't seem worth it. A need for cold water, and the sun slowly moves on.

4pm and on. Small eyes to counter the bright afternoon. Recovering artifacts of an unplanned outage. Penning down the last insights of a long session in another mental thread, storing credentials, documenting newly discovered flaws and letting machines calm down then. In need of fresh air. And shadows.

Somewhere in the afternoon, a change of moods difficult to manage, stepping out and immediately embraced by bright warm light. Stretching arms legs neck, moving against blocks and tension. People heading out, people returning home, kids waiting in line at the ice cream booth and there's always a crowd of sparrows waiting for crumbs of cones to hit the sidewalk. The need of breaks and fresh air, more pressing today.

4pm. In between, as a state of mental being. That weird moment of emptiness when mind retreats from its daily schedule, at least for a while. Heavy traffic, chicory and yarrow in between train tracks, a soft breeze to caress leaves and blossoms and a crowd of kids running old-fashioned scooters down the sidewalk, racing past each other, giggling and out of breath. Stories of summer breaks and all the adventures they used to encompass.